okay, caroline

In Gold We Trust II

2009-10-21T18:27:00.001-07:00

In Gold We Trust II
Originally uploaded by T/\KEC/\RE

2009-05-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

In New York I spent an entire day with Cameron, after not seeing him for something that must be two years. His voice has changed. He carries himself differently, confidence, aloofness, humor. He stands his ground very well and is so nice to be around.

I had about eight hours in Novi between Chicago and New York, and on Thursday we begin the road trip to Maryland. Valerie, Kirk, Joshua, Caroline. In reverse alphabetical order, apparently. I have a tickling back-of-the-spine feeling it will be a very pleasant trip, but there's always a margin for error.

I'm feeling random inklings of inspiration, they make me feel more whole.

I have finished two books in the past week: Down & Out in Paris & London (Orwell) and The Learners (Kidd). Currently reading The Last Evening on Earth (Bolaño), as recommended by brother Christiaan.

I've eaten too much.

25 things

2009-03-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

I hate blogs.

This is in honor of not being in the mood to work, and of the 14 people that tagged me on facebook in a note that I refused to respond to.

1 My favorite things are black pens and college-ruled paper, without fail.

2 I am frequently found screaming.

3 The older I get the more I appreciate and enjoy my immediate family.

4 My life is overrun with ambition.

5 I have always been mistaken to be three years younger than I am.

6 I've filled more than 20 notebooks with writing since high school.

7 At least six of them now belong to other people, because I have a habit of wrapping them up and giving/mailing them away.

8 My business/analytical/technical skills greatly surpass my social skills.

9 I hate art.

10 I am absolutely entirely infatuated and obsessed with art.

11 People often give me Hello Kitty gifts simply because they are Hello Kitty. I love her with all my heart, yes. But poorly designed HK novelty makes me want to throw up and scream.

12 I never burn bridges. Ever.

13 I know (not believe, know) that everyone has something important to teach me.

14 One of my most favorite things is when my dad plays classical guitar in the garage during thunder storms. Sometimes I sit where he can't see me so I can just listen to him play the same bars over and over, trying to get it perfect.

15 Theresa is on her way to pick me up to go grocery shopping for the first time in two or three weeks.

16 So I am abandoning this.

17 (I hated it, anyway.)

2009-03-01T20:22:00.000-08:00

I am officially in love with Toronto. Greg was right in predicting I would be when he came here more than six months ago. Sigh. Too bad I can't stay in hostels, buy shoes & look at art galleries forever. So glad I didn't back out at the last minute like I was about to, because I feel more energized, more excited & inspired, more content with the people I love & more motivated for the future.

The veins in my hands have been showing more lately, I don't know why. It's about 15 degrees here, but I might run in the morning. I got my shit. I might as well. Five point five miles yesterday, but none today, and only ten total last week.

I finally feel like I am in my fourth year of school, like I'm doing something at least moderately worthwhile, that I am succeeding a little bit. Thank God for Flickr, when you need a confidence boost. So many people are interested in my Kzoo tees (just need a new place to print them), and realizing I've been shown on two sites (baby sites, but sites nonetheless) for typography, and will be published in a magazine come fall... I feel more accomplished, FINALLY, in design.

Not only that, but 800 projects are going on. A group of six of us are working on publishing a zine (probably applying for a grant, doing the first issue before school's out), the AIGA fundraiser will be a success, Chicago trip, NYC in May, internship interview Friday morning in Pontiac, conceptualizing for the student show & getting amped about working on my "thesis" (not so much a thesis anymore)... Things are working out.

This is more of a brainstorm & verification of my worth than a legitimate BLOG POST. I hate the word blog. It makes me feel like a 44 year-old blogger sitting on a Sunday morning reading 18 comments about politics. It's kind of sickening.

2009-02-26T08:20:00.000-08:00

Response to Kaitlyn's when is your spring break? plans and ideas for summer & life?

Spring break starts right now, today. Except there is a memorial service for our university's last president, who passed away a weekend ago and was very, very dear to our campus community. Right now I am cleaning my room & stenciling a tee for the first time (TOO EASY TO HAVE BEEN AVOIDED THIS LONG). I have a meeting at noon for work, then the memorial at 2:30.

In the morning I am getting in my car and driving to Saint Louis to pick up a desk for my "thesis". I am very nervous about the whole project, and life in general right now. The past three days I have been emotionally unstable, which leads me to be more emotionally unstable, which leads me to not feel very well. I have this weird fringe sickness, and have had an exercise headache since Monday, as well. When the headache first came it felt like I had fallen backwards headfirst into cement. It has faded & come back twice. I don't understand.

Plans for summer and life. Summer is up in the air. I hear from a Teach for America internship program on March 16. I have an interview for an unpaid internship in Pontiac over break. I may apply for an emerging artist's grant in Kalamazoo. Read: I have no fucking clue.

Life. I can't get into that right now.

My feet are falling alseep because of the way I am sitting. I should be home at some point between the 29th and the 3rd for about 30 hours. Not sure when.

(Big breath here.)

2009-02-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

On Greg's advice, albeit tweaked:

Last week David made a casual remark about how he would use his backyard for his graduation party if the landlord ever made any sort of effort in its maintenance. His intention was to slam the landlord, but my chest caved a little when I heard it. Graduation party?

Come fall 2009, three of my three closest friends will be out of the state, two of them out of the country: David to Portland, Michelle to Costa Rica, and Shoshana to Thailand or China.

This year is the first I've felt I have friends. Not being an RA, not being consumed by unorthodox amounts of stress and work, getting sleep, and being in a relationship-- this is the most socially stable I've been since getting my first job in the tenth grade. I have friends.

I've always done well with change, with losing people to foreign nations or consuming relationships or drug habits. Really, I'm usually the one lost. Going to New York or Saint Louis or Prague... getting so caught up in to do lists that I forget I'm human, let alone the fact that other humans might by craving my attention. But in the past year it's exactly my past apathy that's making my current sentimentality so magnified. It's like I'm making up for all the coldness in one, giant, melting heart. I'm nervous for all these people to leave, to be in college for a fifth year. This is not just a matter of the three month summer hiatus. Now it's a question of if I'll ever see them again. Ever.

This answers Greg's question of what life is like without him in a fringe way. He can be categorized into a modified four of four closest friends, except he already left. GREG WILL I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN? (But I'm comforted because I refuse to let the answer be anything but yes. Monies first, Japan as soon as humanly possible...)

(Also, this is a failing attempt at semi-decent blogging, but an attempt nonetheless. More challenges welcomed.)

2009-02-14T20:45:00.000-08:00

I am frequently tired, and have a very small driving force to update this blog. I'm in need of a purpose. Suggestions?

I had an interview for a Teach for America internship yesterday, the woman that interviewed me was nothing I expected. All business, I can tell she never smiled on the phone, asking me what I did wrong and right for each section. It's good to encourage people to be self-critical, but I think it's irritating when people are unnecessarily cold.

During spring break ( two weeks from now), I have an interview at Curve Detroit, an advertising firm whose philosophy will be backwards from Teach for America, I'm sure. So casual, fantastic sense of humor, smart people. At least, that's what I gather from the website & my small interactions with the team. We'll see how it goes when it happens.

Happy Valentine's day. I've been listening to Radiohead.

2009-02-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

Early this evening I fell asleep while working at the writing center. First, I was talking to Jason about animal crackers and peanut butter. Second, I was waking up from a 45 minute nap, face down on the couches that even my body doesn't fit on. It was an incredible nap.

I then frolicked away to distribute condoms and run two miles. Now it's just barely midnight but I'm going to sleep so I can wake up. Career fair tomorrow, woo-hoo.

2009-01-31T17:44:00.000-08:00

I purchased these today in the (boy) children's section of an athletic store. They are a size four. I am in love.

2009-01-28T17:05:00.000-08:00

Stumbling upon this article about the Mexican "Stew Maker" made me that much more appreciative of the fact that I do not do cocaine. North America, pull yourself together! No more human stew! No more coke!

Wow.

In 53 minutes I am going to go see Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist and that will be very nice, I think.

2009-01-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

Listened to Jes Kramer and melted tonight. Smoked a few [too many] cigarettes; ran into Ryan and he said, "Caroline! I was talking about you all day today, and you know what I said? I said Next time I see Caroline I am going to buy her a drink. And now here you are! I have to buy you a drink!" Then he bought me a drink.

Last night's yoga class was the greatest event of my week, and today was the greatest day of my semester. Phone interview that is sure to result in a new job, training call for the other job, seeing Jes, seeing Ryan, feeling like I was on drugs because of so much caffeine, and being overall overjoyed all day.

Jay texted me at 10:30pm, "Are you coming home tonight?" Yes, yes I am. Eventually.

2009-01-26T04:47:00.000-08:00

Finished The Cheese Monkeys last night, in an unintentional decision to stay up until three am. Because I know I'm better off with three hours of sleep than four, I woke up at six and made it to class twenty minutes early. I'm the fifth person here.

Saw Notorious last night, now cannot stop listening to Born Again and this remix of "Party and Bullshit" by Ratatat. I need to move to Brooklyn again. Need being the operative word.

Got this from the library yesterday, read the foreword before 6:30. Just want to go home so I can start on the actual book.

PS The skin on my hands is so dry it's cracking open. Looks & feels like an x-acto accident.

Pancakes and the cold, gray floor.

2009-01-22T14:21:00.001-08:00

IMG_7842.JPG
Originally uploaded by okaycaroline

School.

Revival

2009-01-21T17:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, now, friends. It is the beginning. The 21st of January is close enough to the beginning of 2009 for a baby blog to find its footing and stand up. It's the tail end of the new year, not yet into the cold, awful, disgusting, thank-god-it's-only-28-days of February. So I will begin with my resolutions, which began three weeks ago exactly:

1. No sweets all year

I almost wrote "all fuckin' year" but thought I'd keep this clean and let mom read it. I've made it three weeks and after being completely obsessed with things like frosting and star-shaped sprinkles, it feels lovely to turn my nose up at the those and everything else that I previously ate until nausea every time they were within reaching distance. Now my "treats" are milk, yogurt, and graham crackers. I only get harassed once or twice a day for it, too.

2. Read books

Already finished Eat Pray Love and Tuesdays with Morrie. Now working on The Cheese Monkeys. I win.

3. Health improvements

Yesterday two miles, Monday three miles, tomorrow an appointment with the rec center at 6.

I'm tired of writing about resolutions. The blog has begun.